My own place on earth

About someone whom I crib about a lot

2010-02-23T11:01:00.000-08:00

This is about my boss, about whom I have cribbed to almost every friend of mine. About how he is a workaholic, which means I end up working on many holidays.

Although none of the B schools i applied to found me exciting enough to grant an admission, I like to believe I keep doing stuff which normally MBAs do . and also that I am half an MBA already. (lol) And its just thanks to him. I agree, he is one person who is tough to satisfy. But he has not even once spoon fed anything, and now I am learning to become independent.Finally!!!!!! And in retrospect, over the last year and a quarter, I have changed, and changed for good. And he had a great contribution in this.

Maybe I should tell him some time.

Thank you Sir..

Questions for the day

2009-12-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

Why can't Kellogg just take me? why put me through all this anxiety of being on the waitlist?? Dreamt so much about Kellogg last night..
Why can't there be more Rajkumar Hiranis..???

Why god why????

Teen age...

2009-12-20T03:31:00.000-08:00

When exactly does teen age get over??
19??? I dont believe it.. I have seen people who feel the flutter long after that....

Strip Poker

2009-12-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

That night, they played strip poker at his place. Strangely enough, everybody won or lost almost equally.. Lights were switched off so that they dont see eachother naked .And they ended up sleeping together... They had always wanted to ........

Just to let them know....

2009-03-21T10:29:00.001-07:00

Every time , some one speaks or writes or communicates in some manner, there is a reason.
There is a reason for this post too. This one is just to let them know.. just to let them know how much i detest their behaviour.. and if this particular "they" know who I am talking about, I am sure they will know what I am talking about too.. so they may please discuss with eachother, not with me. No comments allowed on this post..

On Life and motivation

2009-03-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer:Another one for people to laugh at ...

I was suffering from a writer's block(so i would like to say .. though by any measure... i am not even a blogger.. leave alone being a writer )

For the last few days , i have been thinking of something.

What motivates a person? for anything.. not just work.. anything..

I am almost convinced that it depends on the person and even time is a variable. people behave differently at different times. But then there should be some common things which motivates people.. some trends.. of course, I am not the first person to think about this. I am sure there will be a lot of literature just waiting to be explored. But then i think everyone has their own experiences from which , we find the trends.. or join the dots....

I just put this out for discussion with a close friend.. and we agree on many things like money, fame, etc as a motivation to do things.But then is that all?

Why do NGO's work? fame? atleast not all... sense of accomplishment.??. yeah.. maybe .. but whats that ? whats this sense of accomplishment?Isn't that some kind of a complex concoction of money, fame, recognition and all that?

Or is this motivation thing built into each and everyone's system?biologically?

And yeah my observations point me towards some things... there are some of us who are intersted in things just because they are new... must be just the curiosity that motivates.. I believe I am that kind. But to what detail can someone be curious?

And I know some people who are motivated by only some things.. only some very specialised things..say.. technology..Have seen some great people around ...but then how do you survive with these specialised skills..

And there are some people who have a mask on.. which gives you an impression that they are interested in everything or most of the topics.. (or so they say) .. but just see beyond the mask and you will find, they are not interested in anything .. anything whatsoever. just putting on the facade!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok.. so all said and done.. how to identify the kind of person you are dealing with and package it accordingly? And worse.. what if you are addressing a group ?even a small group would be tough . and think of a huge one... you dont know most of them personally..haven't even heard their names before.

Now I know what Managers and in particular HR managers need to do(till now, I thought they were quite an easy going lot). BUt thats not what I intended to write about. For me, the real question is what exactly makes a person do anything that he does .. or makes him/her not do something that he/she doesn't,.

Enough of all this confusion .. I am off..

Joining the dots....

2009-01-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

When , I was a kid.. i used to get ideas, while in the loo.., As i grew up , to be precise, when I was in Thrissur, I had the habit of walking back home from my classes.And since i would walk alone, and it was quite a long walk, I used to think while walking. Nowadays I walk very less.. now all my thoughts and observations are while i am driving my bike.. those are the ones which get posted as today's observations on this blog.

And today I was driving back from a dinner with my juniors. A thought struck me... it hit me very very hard.

I am sure each and everyone of you would have joined dots to get a picture when you were kids.

Today, while on my drive back, I just joined the dots.... and got the big picture.. The really ugly face of a monster.....and it answered so many questions i had..Wonder what took me so long...I thought i was intuitive.. hell no.. but then .. better late.. than never.

some thoughts on the Indian culture

2009-01-10T20:09:00.001-08:00

Yeaterday was Thiruvathira.. the festival of married women, celebrated mostly in the northern part of Kerala.. similar to Karva chauth in north India.. We make a sweet dish made out of arrowroot powder during this festival. A discussion about that ended up in an internet search for something.. But, this post is not about how it is celebrated, or what it stands for.. but what this search triggered. The search came up with some results regarding the malayalam calendar and the month of Dhanu in which it is celebrated.. but it just caught me thinking , Is it well documented? how long is anyone going to know about all these things?? one more generation? maybe after that , there will be an opportunity for someone like Dan Brown to write about the ancient culture, monuments and events and the old culture of Kerala. HUndreds of small things will have huge relevance when mysteries are woven around these. hmmm. or maybe someone will be documenting all this while i am writing this just like my friend whose blog is mostly about hindu mythology and similar topics. I guess there are too many things in this world for someone to keep track of. lets divide the work.. you guys write about all this and I read it . what say?

today's observation 3

2009-01-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

Before making your own theories on teamwork, getting people to own up etc., Just wait for a minute.. think what you will feel 10 minutes later and think what you are doing this for and whether it will serve the purpose .. As the idiom goes..."

“Four things come not back: the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity.”

A Dream..

2008-12-30T04:06:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer
I don't know what you guys are going to feel about this, and I know some of you will talk behind my back and have a good laugh.. but then I am just happy I made your day that way..
I just had to write this down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the first time, I am blogging from my office..

yeah.. the new one.. the CORPORATE...(i can still hear that "so.. you are not used to the corporate setup " which i got on the first day here.).
Today was one of those cool and uneventful days .not much of activity happening, just some background research on some topic and a couple of slides on something. thats all..
But then I happened to find out more about the surroundings of the office.. the view from the 9th floor is just superb. the race course, MGR university, the distant hills and all that. Though there is the looming threat of the ITC Hotel coming up to spoil the view, it will remain great anyway.
But a few minutes back, something happened. I happened to go into Vinod Dasari's office.
Thats where this dream was born. The seed has been there .. i don't know for how long..
Maybe one good thing about my current job is this , you start dreaming big, you start feeling "its so acheivable", and you see people whom you admire, and feel, "he is just like any other person". Many times you notice, "even i would have done the same had i been in his place".
Coming back to the dream, this is just the second time i entered that room, the first time i went in, I had returned with this.
But, this time, he was not around, and he is on his vacation in Newzealand.. so the room was vacant and i went inside for something- its not the way its furnished, or the way its furnished, or the view through the glass panes, ( where you get to see chennai's local trains rush past on the tambaram route) .. its not that .. I really don't know what triggered this .. but now,, I realy wish ..I would be sitting in a position like his. Yes, this would mean so many hours spent at office, thinking, strategising, interacting with people and all that . And i am sure its not going to be a bed(or is that a chair??) of roses.. but still.. i want to be there.
Then, the next point is HOW???.. Need to find an answer for that .. there are a few options.. but then I need to get going .. need to understand the way of getting things done.Maybe the new year would bring something new in its kitty. Lets hope for that.

And by the way, this might just be the last post before the new year, So wish you a great year ahead. and this year ends on a good note. By far , if you go by just the number of posts,Dec 2008 was my best month. 4 posts? or is that 5? ,. that reminds me... I need to get more definitive, and got to reduce those , "I guess so.."s and "I don't know" s.
So thats quite a handful for the new year ahead.

A gift on christmas.. first one i guess..thankyou santa..

2008-12-25T09:30:00.001-08:00

I know, almost 99 percent of you won't believe this .. ( by the way how much is 99% of 4 , or is that 5?) .. This christmas Santa visited my house..... the chennai one... since we dt a on't have a chimney et al.. he would have had a tough time getting in and going out ... but then somehow he did..

and believe it or not, he left a gift for me.. a sandwich maker.. he seems to have come via China(not to be confused with my roomie who went to china recently)..and picked it up on his way...

anyways thankyou Santa Claus...

and I wouldn't mind getting a refrigerator next time...;P)

today's observation 2

2008-12-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

At times , its better to wait just one more day.. and make a mark rather than act now and screw up.

today's observation

2008-12-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

Behind every screwed up guy , there is a girl in a sleeveless top.

The End..

2008-10-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

Spent that 100 rupee note on a dinner at sangeeta... the bill was Rs.99.50. As usual the cashier gave 50 paise back .. and i threw it.. i threw it as far as possible.. so that i will never get it back...
Came back home... tore the photo into small pieces put it inside the pot, spit a couple o times and flushed it..

THE END

A city waking up...

2008-09-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This one is unusually long, you can skip it if you don't have the time for it.Couple of friends who read this before its published here told me, they lost the flow in between There were a couple of things that I realised after writing this one. One was the pathetic state of my language, the second, how cofortable I am with pen and paper, than a laptop and Microsoft Word, and the third one.. thats a secret...
So here goes..

A City Waking Up

This is one of the rarest moments in my life. When I say rarest, I don’t remember feeling like this ten times in my entire life, sitting up in my bed not able to sleep in the night. Normally, I sleep like a log once I hit the bed.

I got up, went out to the balcony, and leaned outside to see whether I can find any living being awake outside. I found everything so serene and peaceful outside- even the usually crowded and bustling sweet shop just opposite to our apartment. The view from the balcony made me feel uncomfortable. I’ve never loved heights, and thinking of what I did a few weeks back- climbing on to our balcony from the next flat’s balcony- still gives me goose pimples. That was not my kind of an adventure. I reached back from office only to find that the front door had got locked from inside and it being a Sunday evening, I couldn’t find anyone to help me open the door. So, after thinking for a long time, I decided to do it. Go to the neighbouring flat and get into our flat balcony through their balcony, the only condition was that our door to balcony shouldn’t be bolted from inside. Man.. I was shit scared when I was in mid air hanging on the iron railings on both the balconies.That was one hell of an adventure(especially considering the fact that ,I had even stopped midway at the Edakkal caves when in college.. I swear.. I am not the adventurous type.) Once that was over and I landed safely on our balcony, I found that Murphy’s law is the only law which works in every situation irrespective of conditions.- The door was bolted from inside. By that time, the lady from the neighboring flat had gone out getting people to open the front door. Ladies have a knack of getting things done.. and she did.
I was still fumbling at the bolt with a shirt hanger from our clothesline through the window( like a guy fumbling with the hook on the most amazing women’s lingerie) when they broke open the front door and came to my rescue.

hmmm.. after that I pledged my loyalties to the lady next door for saving me, and I always make it point to exchange pleasantries when we get a glimpse of each other when we are in the kitchen of our respective flats.

I came back into my room . It’s a mess. The long pending activity of cleaning is finally planned for tomorrow…. Oh. Its already today….. The watch she gifted , shows 3 am . Its been months since we spoke to each other, but not one day has gone without me thinking of her. There are so many things which remind me of her. Every nook and corner of the city reminds me that I was not alone when I visited there the last time. Its high time I leave this place…

I switched on the lights, picked up a pen and a writing pad, emptied everything from the top of my drawing board(It was my bro’s drawing board from hie engineering days in the city-converted into a table by indigenous engineering skills) and carried all that to the balcony. It has been ages since I wrote. I sat there in the balcony with the lights on thinking of what to write and I noticed a star on the sky..glittering.. More attention and I see more of them .. I have never thought why they glitter, or why the sky is blue, .. or why things are the way they are.. Maybe I am just “Technologically challenged” as my room mate says, or plainly not interested in all this as my old roomie says. I accept a lot of things the way they are.. they are taken for granted… as they say .. it’s a reference or like the assumptions made before proving anything .

A stray dog barked and ran after a motorcycle speeding away bringing me back from my thoughts.It must be the same dog- the one with white spots all over its body . Its done this to me atleast 3 times in the last one month. And maybe it will do it again when I go to the beach today.That reminds me, this is something I started towards the end of my relationship with her.It was my attempt to rejuvenate an ailing affair. It was 2 years old but not going anywhere.I would pick her up from her hostel at 6 am and head for the beach, for a walk with the sun rising on the horizon(I’ve never questioned this natural phenomenon too….).She came for the walk only once or twice(it was always talk the talk for her. No walk the talk..haha. poor joke huh??) But the habit stuck to me. I love those couple of times we went walking, not because it was romantic but because I tried. . I tried my best to bring something into it.

Coming back, .. the city is waking up . its just 3 30 am I can see some windows light up.This is something that makes Chennai different from other cities- Early to bed and early to Rise- the chennaiites still do that . Though people whine about the lack of nightlife in Chennai, I believe, Its cool. It’s the city’s identity that makes it stand out among the crowd.
Even the North Indian Couple in the next apartment complex have woken up the lights are on though both of them are still very much in the bed. The curtains were drawn, maybe to let the sea breeze in and what it invited s this peeping tom’s gaze.

It took me a couple of minutes to convince myself that its none of my business to peep into their bedroom. By this time, more windows were lighting up. Today is Ganesh Chaturthi, that mustbe the reason everyone is getting up so early.

Yesterday, after such a long time, I had gone to Sathyam for a movie.It took me some 15 minutes and 2 rounds around the complex to find my way in and park my vehicle.They have changed the traffic rules that the usual route we used to take from Adyar, no .. no .. correcting myself, the usual route I tried to take.. because most of the times, I would miss one left turn here or the right turn there .. and end up taking very long drive to reach there, and as a result leaving her wild and angry at me and me frustrated about my sense of direction- or rather the lack of it.

Sitting in the balcony, with my legs parched on the railings and just my shorts on ,I was feeling cold. I went inside and fished a t-shirt from the whole bundle of washed clothes. Got my red UCB Tee and came out wearing it. Yeah.. the same one that I wore on the last Valentine’s day.. ( Man.. I can remember all those things that I don’t want to ..) – Our 2nd Anniversary (Anniversary???..of what ??? the big joke????).Nowadays UCB and Giordano have become my favourite brands of clothing.For someone, who has a ( by now notorious) terrible sense of fashion, these two brands have been quite alright. I even managed to get some approvals from my style guru roomie.

Amidst all these, I forgot to mention what made me write again after such a long time- The movie I saw, -ROCK ON- I am no fan of rock and roll and have had an aversion for it in my college days I used to think its plain noise pollution.But I enjoyed the movie Made me think, made me laugh.. made me enjoy.. above all made me write ..
For the last 2 days its been ROCK ON , playing on my laptop.

The last movie I enjoyed was Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na – How I wish, people make more of such movies – the different ones. The ones you feel like watching in theatres and not on pirated DVDs and bad quality downloaded prints.

Anyone who wants company to watch ROCK ON, just message me. That’s all that you have to do. I want to watch the movie again and buy a DVD when its released.

I came back to my room, just glanced at the watch. 4 :30 am . The times have changed, but the watch hasn’t. This one was gifted to me on my 23rd Birthday. I am 6 months away from my 25th , but it feels like its been there with me for ages.I thought of exchanging this one for my new watch but ended up giving a very old watch of mine, saving this.

The door to the hall was slightly ajar, I closed it slowly making sure R doesn’t wake up.He sleeps quite tight and doesn’t get disturbed by light.I picked up the books strewn around on my bed. –Memoirs of Geisha, and Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan’s (eM) “You are Here”. Read the latter one this weekend. Wasn’it that spectacular, but motivates me to write. I visit her blog quite regularly and like the way she writes.But the book lacked depth. Most of the time, I dint know where it was going. But I appreciate her bold way of writing.

Its 5 am and its time for me to go .The sea is calling me.

Time to switch off the lights. Even the stars have gone mysteriously missing .The city has woken up. I can see the maids clean the front portion of the apartments and make beautiful ricepowder ‘Kolam’

So Chennai is up and rocking … “Rock ON”

SOLD....

2008-07-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

this blog has been sold. An undisclosed person , a very close friend of mine has bought it for an undisclosed sum of money.
The conditions under which this measure had to be taken is very much related to the financial position of th eowner of this blog. It was not a hotile takeover.....(its not that easy you know)..

It was really nice writing for all of you. I hope the new author will do justice to the audience by writing more regularly... ((my habits were erratic..))

anyways , thanks for being with me through my ups and downs.

On a Cold January morning

2008-05-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

I still wait for his call..

I know its been 2 and a half years since he left me.... but still that number remains in my cell phone memory. I don't know when i will accept the fact and remove it.. but then my emotion outweighs my reason.

From the first month of our marriage, my husband has been telling me about how meaningless it is to think that i will get a call from that number some day... But still I refuse to believe..

It was 2 am on a cold January Morning(you don't have too many of them in this part o the world) when my phone rang.. it was my closest friend on the other end telling me in between her sobs about what had happened. The accident which claimed my friend's life. LIFE....He was so full of it..

For the amount of personal tragedies he has faced in his life, and the way he had come out of it..the unending supply of energy would have been from someone divine.

But then there were times when he needed support, needed attention..care.. he was all alone in this world..When everyone else from his family decided to leave him.. (maybe they wanted him to follow)to find out what the world had in store for him ,, and find that alone... i didnot find him crying.. he was normal.. he had learnt to bear with all that.But then he was barely 14 years old..

After that he moved on to another town with some relatives of his... he went on the wrong path at times.. but the intentions were good.. tried hard... came back... those were all decisions he made in life while we all enjoyed the luxury of having people decide things for us.

Meanwhile many people came into his life.. I met most of them.. found many of them suitable .. and some of them arrogant.. maybe they still think of him. maybe some of them don't even know what happened to him. Maybe someone is waiting for him, thinking he will come back searching for her.. tapping on the door with that characteristic smile on his face.. just the way , I wait for a call from him...

But the difference is .. Somewhere deep inside me, i know, that he wont call me again but she wouldn't know.

too many thoughts.. but no blog!!!!!

2006-10-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hey ,

I always think of a machine…. A machine or any instrument that can record all the thoughts that come to my mind… too many of them. As it is , I am not capable enough to record my serious thoughts.. so I need help…

But then, if such an instrument comes into being, that’s it….!!!! That’s the end of days….

Life becomes meaningless.. whatever you think, gets recorded…

When you think about the worst things in life.. it gets recorded..

When you think about cheating others, that gets recorded… anything and everything …………….

But then that’s too much of data .. there should be some way of analyzing it then… and

analyzing it to understand what’s good and what’s bad… otherwise daily trifles just come in between .. and they don’t let you know that whether you are black or white.. there is nothing grey out there… its either good or bad…. Either 1 or 0 ..

and then things will be clear and you’ll know your path..

My own place on earth

2006-08-13T01:14:00.000-07:00

My own place on earth

A page from the book of lost souls

2006-05-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

Where was I?. .. I never knew….
What I had was just a map of the big city and of course I could pin point the location of our place of stay. I was new to the city and was just getting to know the roads and places. I did have enough money to get back to my place by an auto, but my ego won’t let me. My ego looms large upon me and influences everything I do.

I was walking faster.. My legs were getting tired. I had been walking from the morning. How many times did I patrol the M G Road? But still I hadn’t found the bookstore that was mentioned in the class. I had reached a fork and was wondering which way to go.
I noticed a girl standing near the Mahatma Gandhi statue. She wore a white top and blue jeans. I still remember, she had a black travel bag. She was looking good and the black background of the night made her look more beautiful with a couple of strands of her hair falling onto her face. She was trying to quiet their cackle.

All this time, I was thinking, how I could talk to her. And suddenly she was in front of me asking “which way goes to the railway station?”.. I was dumbfounded. She repeated …
“I .. I don’t know.”I said.
“I was about to ask you which way goes to the city bus stand…”
those words were instantaneous.

Maybe she knew the city more than me that she said, “both are close to each other….”
Then we set out in search of our destinations together…but only after I had explained that I was an engineer at a software company. “Girls are always like that. They are skeptical about everything. But can’t blame them. Its really difficult –a girls life.” I said. She just nodded.

By this time, she had figured out our destinations on the map and we were on our way. The night was particularly cold. We introduced ourselves. Her name was Roshni and she was going to her friend’s house near the railway station.
I was hungry and her face told me that she too was. Her eyes were drooping and she as tired. We found a small restaurant nearby to have dinner. We had become good friends. My years at college and friends had helped me shed my shell and come out of the cocoon.

Fifteen minutes later, we were near to our destinations, I helped her find her friend’s house and got into one of the buses to my place, but only after giving her my phone number.
Six months ago, when all this happened, I never knew my life was changing.

Two weeks later, she called .. asking what I was doing during the weekend, my heart was pounding when I said “Nothing.”
I had been too busy and had forgot about the whole incident and now, here she was on the other end of the phone. There was a silence for a few seconds as if she wanted me to propose some good place to go. But for the dumb fellow I am, most of the times my brain doesn’t work. She finally broke the silence and asked whether I had seen the latest Amitabh movie playing at a multiplex nearby. The next day, we went for the movie and had dinner together.

This went on for many days and it had become so much a part of my life that I expected a missed call or an sms from her every moment.
But I always noticed that there was something about her- something sad. As if she wanted to conceal something from me. She told me most of the important things in her life though I didn’t tell her much about my life and my solitude. She didn’t have too many friends. Whenever we met, she used to talk a lot and I used to listen and I loved listening to what she said. I just had to give her topics and she had her own views on everything under the sun. I used to feel lost and belittled while talking to her. But I felt , there was something that she wanted to hide from me.

She used to read and write a lot, and maybe her best words came in an sms she sent me. She was in Pondicherry visiting her parents. She wrote
“ The roaring blue sea asked me for a kiss .. and I obliged.”

Still I don’t know why she did this and what I could have done about it, but one thing I know for sure – My life will never be the same again

-Narendran